Resources

My top 3 search tips

  1. If funds are tight, test your DNA at Ancestry for the best return. Ancestry has the largest match database by a factor of over 2. It offers immediate parent grouping (‘SideView’) with good accuracy, and — with a short-term Pro Tools subscription — gives access to enhanced shared match analysis and by-location filters
  2. Even very distant DNA matches can be gold for confirming a theory about a parent candidate. If you predict a family name will feature, and it does, across several independent small matches, it’s not a coincidence
  3. If you’re searching before the era of assisted reproduction, check the geography. People had to be in the same place to make babies, a very useful fact to help rule parent candidates in (and out).

DNA Analysis

If you prefer not to work through these resources and tools alone, or get stuck, apply for help here.

Getting started

At first, your DNA matches may look like a long list of strangers, but they’re connected to each other as well as to you. The strength and pattern of those connections are what will lead to the answer on your missing family member’s identity.

Start by clicking on a DNA match and looking for “Shared Matches”. Shared matches are people who appear in common between you and the match you clicked on. Grouping shared matches into clusters is the first big step. Follow this structured guide in which Dana Leeds explains the method she developed to cluster matches to reveal hidden (great) grandparents. Dana’s Youtube channel has a free playlist of DNA videos to extend your skills.

If you prefer books and are willing to spend the price of one nice coffee, I strongly recommend the recently published How to Find Your Birth Parents by Emmaline MacBeath. Emmaline is currently Project Leader at Wikitree Adoption Angels, where I volunteer as a searcher. Emmaline’s advice spans the full arc of a search.

Going further

Shared cM Project v4 at DNA Painter is a tool I constantly use. It’s the brainchild of Blaine Bettinger who gathered thousands of reports from genealogists of shared DNA amounts linked to specific proven relationships (as in: “I know he’s my second cousin and we share 325 centimorgans”). It’s free and very easy to use. Plug in how much DNA you share with a particular match, and the tool will give the various possible relationships between you, with probabilities, and a percentage of the reported instances that fall into each relationship.

Old fashioned genealogy: you can’t tackle identity searches with DNA alone; traditional records hold vital information. You will need to build trees going back in time to the most recent common ancestors and then, painstakingly, reverse direction towards the present, working generation by generation, checking every single child to see if s/he is the one who married across into another cluster. Public libraries will often give you free in-person access to the major databases (Ancestry, Find My Past etc) but for sheer scale, usefulness and free access, you should bookmark FamilySearch, which is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Bless them.

Contacting matches

If this isn’t your first try at DNA analysis, you’ll likely have experienced the frustration of sending a message to a promising match only to hear … the sound of silence. It can happen for many reasons. To make your approach the best it can be, I recommend both Diahan Southan in Talking to your DNA matches like a first date and Mary Henderson’s deep experience on how to tell the truth without scaring the horses.

Towards the end of a search, it can be helpful to invite targeted individuals to do a DNA test. The aim is to give peace of mind that the discovered identity is correct. A typical target is a close member of the newly found individual, such as a birthfather’s nephew. I again recommend Mary Henderson and her practical, yet softly-softly, advice.

Contacting unknown family

Making first contact with a stranger who you believe to be a family member is daunting because the stakes are so high. When I did it, nearly forty years ago, I leaned on the advice of the New Zealand branch of Jigsaw. Though they have long since closed, their sister organisation Jigsaw Queensland still flourishes. Whether you’re adopted, donor-conceived or facing other kinds of unknown parentage, I recommend their thoughtful information sheets that cover topics ranging from ‘Writing the First letter’ to ‘Navigating Post Contact Relationships’.

New Zealand adopted people

Original birth certificates contain relatively little information, not least the lack of the father’s name in many cases. Applying to the relevant government department for further information from your file can be a dispiriting experience producing only partial information releases, peppered with redactions. Going for broke with an application to a judge under section 23 of the 1955 Adoption Act is another roll of the dice – do you have a “special reason” that will qualify? For expert guidance from a NZ adoption expert, ethicist and activist, I recommend Dr Barbara Sumner and her Records Access Consultation for Adopted Adults.